- Paperback: 320 pages
- Publisher: Rupa Publications India (20 July 2018)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 9789353041236
- ISBN-13: 978-9353041236
- ASIN: 9353041236
- Product Dimensions: 13 x 1.6 x 19.8 cm
- Customer Reviews:
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #38,428 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
54 Reasons Why Parents Suck And Phew! Paperback – 20 Jul 2018
About the Author
Dr. Swati Lodha has been a mother, author, management guru and life coach for nearly two decades. Swaraa Lodha is a seventeen-year-old teenager. She is interested in music, photography and creative writing. They live in Mumbai, India.
From the Publisher
In Conversation with Dr Swati Lodha
Author: Dr Swati Lodha and Swaraa Lodha
‘Parents Suck’ is a bold statement and I mean it.
My Economics teacher introduced me to the concept of VUCA: Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity and Ambiguity.
I nodded, not because I understood the macro world in these terms but because I saw my micro world there—my VUCA parents.
When I was an infant, they were Volatile, as most of the time they didn’t know what to do with the tiny piece of mayhem that would poop, cry, sleep and fall sick without sending any notifications.
As I grew up, they became more uncertain of my growth trajectory as well as their competence in nurturing me. Constant comparison with other parents would make them further uncertain.
In my tweens, our relationship turned into a see-saw, turning them into crazy balls of Complexity. One minute, they would punish me and please me in the next. One minute, they would guide me and grumble in the next.
My adolescence has hit them harder, our relationship hinges on Ambiguity. It is a snake and ladder game of horror and hope.
The title of this book pops up in the head of every Indian child in those daily moments of exasperation when we wish parents came with a mute button.
Don’t get me wrong. I love these two individuals whom I call my parents. I am just overwhelmed by their obsession—me. They fuss over me, they go to incredible heights, unbelievable depths and unsurmountable widths to make me the best child they can ever have.
A man in his late sixties suspects that his wife is going deaf, so he decides to test her hearing. He stands at the opposite end of the living room from her and asks, ‘Can you hear me?’
He moves halfway across the room towards her and asks again, ‘Can you hear me?’
Still no answer.
He moves further and comes to stand right beside her and asks, ‘Can you hear me now?’
‘For the third time, yes!’ she replies.
The problem lies in us but we are hell-bent on believing that it lies in others. Our parents fit this description completely.
In the USA, after heart disease and cancer, medical care ranks as the nation’s third biggest killer. Drugs, which are designed to cure diseases, kill 100,000 people every year and the number doesn’t include accidental overdoses.
Thousands of patients are operated upon unnecessarily and many get infected. Many doctors, who are obviously expected to cure patients, become the reason of their poor health resulting in death.
Similarly, many parents who are obviously expected to love, encourage, nurture and guide their children, become the reason behind their low self-esteem, emotional turbulence and helplessness, leading to irreparable damage and sometimes death.
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After all, parents are the ones who have all the power and the money - and we are the ones who make all the rules !
This is one of the reasons why there seems to be so much more conflict between parents and children today. Yes, it was always there, but in the past , the rebellion was more muted.
Today, children have become far more articulate , and have many more opportunities to be able to express themselves and share their dissatisfaction with the world using digital tools.
Parents and children need to be able to look at life through each other's eyes , so that along with our love for our children , we also learn to become more empathetic and kinder.
The truth is that they will have to live in a world which is going to very different from ours , and we need to help them to prepare for a future which is going to be poles apart from our past I
What worked for us will not work for them, and they need to find their own answers.
I loved this book.
It’s amusingly written , and will make you laugh - and it will make you think as well , because there’s a lot of wisdom and sensible advice in its pages !
Please do read it with your teenager !
After he read the book( and he gobbled it up in a record 2 days), he came out of the room, grinning from ear to ear. He'd understood that the parent child conversations and conflicts are universal.
To me, the most important thing was that after reading the book, the child felt NOT ALONE and UNDERSTOOD. You cannot imagine what a big, big deal it is - to read a book where the author totally GETS how you feel, and the sheer realisation that one is not alone. That this happens to other children and other parents.
I loved what this book did for that little boy that day- and for us. We now laugh at the tyranny of parents together.
In the jet set world of today, huge self, parental, peer pressure and the pressure to excel , almost every other child becomes a victim of the unresolved, unvoiced conflicts.
Adding to this , the rigid , authoritarian, assertive, unaccomodative mind sets of many a parent, jeopardize the fruitful development of the child. This is basically the root cause of the exponentially increasing psychiatric morbidity in kids.
Through this book the mother- daughter duo has articulately tried to drive home the point that a meaningful dialogue between the parent and child is possible and once communication channel between the two is free flowing, the so called psychological burden of both will reduce.
In the capacity of a Psychiatrist, I would say that every parent and child should read this excellent book , it will surely help them to relate better.
Dr Roopa Tekchandani.
Daughter Swaraa dominates the thought process mother Swati gives the golden touch to her thoughts....
No doubt the writer is an indigenous child....n a born writer....
My favorite reason is 27 I still could not dig the reason y but I read it almost 3 times with lot of questions in my mind....on digital privacy should it b given monitored or intervened....
Dear mom n DD continue writing such marvellous piece for our parenting
It's almost like talking to your own teenagers and as a parent one feel thankful to the mother-daughter duo to carry out as well as present this dialogue to us.
As Dr Swati Lodha mentions in her foreword, it must have been hard for her to give a fair voice to the child side,and not allowing the parent in her to take over or even present a counter argument. The fact that the narrative has teen age freshness whilst being backed up by solid research and citations,tell us that Dr Lodha has done a commendable job.
At times you can't help but smile, for example the irony of the child worrying about the impact of social media on their parents :-).
A must read for anyone who cares to be a modern, understanding parent!
PS:- My daughter is keenly looking forward to read the book herself as soon as she is finished with her ongoing scholastic assignments.