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The Resurrection Tour Diaries: A Man Of Bad Humour (The Shooting Star Shorts Book 1) by [Northouse, Simon]

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The Resurrection Tour Diaries: A Man Of Bad Humour (The Shooting Star Shorts Book 1) Kindle Edition

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Length: 86 pages Word Wise: Enabled Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
Page Flip: Enabled Language: English
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Product Description

The diary of a reluctant and grumpy rock star, his dysfunctional band, a dodgy tour manager and the reunion tour from hell!

This is his acerbic and hilarious tale of life on the road.

"If you like Ben Elton, David Sedaris, Nick Hornby and the like ... you'll love this!"


Tonight is our final gig and before The Stoned Crows went on stage I gathered everyone's attention backstage and made a little speech in honour of our thankless road crew.
'Thank you, everyone. I'd just like to say a little something to the unsung heroes as this tour draws to a close tonight. Now, we, the artists and bands receive all the adulation, the fame, the headlines … and quite rightly so—it is the natural order of things and long may it continue. And Chas, well, he gets all the money (cue laughter). But there is a tireless crew, or is it tiresome, that work behind the scenes of every single gig. Yes, I'm talking about security!
No, only joking, it is, of course, our fabulous road crew, without whom, none of this would have been possible.
I'd like to thank Tony, our sound engineer, a.k.a Tone Deaf, for his sterling work twiddling knobs every night and for also working the mixing desk. Tony has that rare knack of turning a pristine, beautiful note into screeching feedback. His addition of distortion to the opening bars of "Maybe Tomorrow" a sad, mournful, acoustic ballad, gives the song a new context that I'd never envisaged or … intended. And lastly, his skilful use of the "muffle" button on every song is a joy to behold.
Another big thank you to our two guitar techs, Stevie and Joe—a.k.a. Club Foot and Cack Hand. Their ability to drop, bang, damage and lose guitars is revered throughout the music industry. This sort of talent is not learnt overnight. It takes years of experience and unrelenting non thinking to achieve this level of skill. A special mention must go to Cack Hand, who has broken the laws of western musical notation that have been in force for millennia. He has found a new musical note. I'm a bit of a stickler for the established conventions of standard tuning, so I was wary at first when he tuned my G string to H. But, as he persisted in doing it for every single gig, "H" has grown on me somewhat, if not the audience.
And what would we have done without Ricky Jones our very own Cable Guy. Broken leads, dodgy cables, dead microphones, buzzing pickups, smoking amplifiers, you name it and he can cause it. Getting repeatedly zapped on the lip by a badly earthed microphone was a tad annoying at first. But as the tour progressed and the shocks increased in ferocity I almost began to look forward to them—a bit like a masochist looks forward to a spell in the dungeon.
And then there's Billy, our lighting man, a.k.a. lights on but no-one's home. I have already made an appointment to see (or not) a Harley Street eye specialist just as soon as this tour is over. His predilection for the strobe light is to be commended. I believe he broke a world record at the Leeds gig when fifteen epileptics had to be treated by the paramedics. Keep up the good work Billy and may the lights never go out … like they did at Cardiff!
And last but not least, a very special thank you to "Bong" our drum tech. As you all know, Bong is from Somerset so doesn't speak English but he is fluent in "grunt", the universal language of roadies. Is there anyone in the world who can change a torn drum skin or fix a loose drum pedal faster than Bong? Well, the obvious answer is "yes". In fact, I believe my Doberman Pinscher could adjust a drum stool quicker than Bong, but that is a rather unfair comparison as we all know how intelligent Doberman Pinschers are.
To you all, we love you and admire you and long may the grunting continue. Cheers!'

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 3773 KB
  • Print Length: 86 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Flabbergasted Publishing (4 October 2018)
  • Sold by: Amazon Asia-Pacific Holdings Private Limited
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Screen Reader: Supported
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: Be the first to review this item
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #5,07,006 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most helpful customer reviews on 4.0 out of 5 stars 1 reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars4-stars only because it's a novella
5 October 2018 - Published on
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