- Paperback: 288 pages
- Publisher: Portfolio Penguin (31 March 2016)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0241250773
- ISBN-13: 978-0241250778
- Product Dimensions: 15.3 x 2 x 23.4 cm
- Average Customer Review: 1 customer review
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #1,43,291 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
The Art of People: The 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want Paperback – 31 Mar 2016
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This book will teach you a set of irreplaceable skills that will help you in every area of your life. After all, what is more important - what will get you farther in life - than understanding and getting along with other people? (Daniel H. Pink, author of To Sell is Human and Drive)
This book is like How to Win Friends and Influence People - only better suited for today's world. (Adam Grant, author of Give and Take)
About the Author
Dave Kerpen is the CEO of Likeable Local, a social media software product for small businesses, as well as the chairman and former CEO of Likeable. He is the author of the New York Times bestseller Likeable Social Media and writes for the New York Times, Inc.com, Forbes.com and Entrepreneur.com.
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Top customer reviews
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What I am liking is, Dave has distilled advice not only on business, but life in general. He has very honestly written all the lessons of his life in this book ; which very few people do.
I feel that I know Dave very well now, as It's like he is telling his story in person to the book reader.
This book is affecting my business and family life in a good way.Thank you Dave for making so much difference in my life and thousands of other people's life through this book. You Rock!
Most helpful customer reviews on Amazon.com
Let’s tease out some of the important ideas from Dave’s book that support his wife’s comment. On page 58 Dave tells us “that if there’s just one people skill you take away from this book, it should be listening.” That’s active listening, of course, which means giving your entire attention to the person who is talking, supporting that person through your nonverbal communication, repeating to the person’s satisfaction just what he or she has said, and connecting emotionally to what the person is saying, which Dave tells us is often the most important part of the message. These are wise words and as Dave tell us, easy to understand, but difficult to put into practice.
Dave uses all of page 85 to tell us that “The most important question you’ll ever ask is How can I help you?” Throughout his book Dave makes the point that we must first change ourselves, become less self-centered and selfish, and genuinely learn to support, encourage, and help others. If we are lucky, we have met a few people in our lives that were genuinely interested in us. They are like gold, their value never fades.
On page 97 Dave supports this suggestion about helping others by adapting The Golden Rule in this fashion. “Do unto others as they would want done to them.” This new rule requires us to talk with the people we want to help to find out just what they want and value, and sometimes this may surprise us. That is, what people want and value may not be about money. Instead, they may value the satisfaction they experience from being productive and achieving at work. Dave’s wife Carrie understands this point very well.
At one point in his book Dave tells us not to be worried about being original. By that he means that so many wise people have come before us that much of what we want to know has already been discovered by others. The fact is that Dave has relied heavily on Dale Carnegie’s famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Dave quotes Carnegie frequently and appropriately. Dave’s book takes many of Carnegie’s wise words and suggestions and updates them for a modern audience with appropriate stories and examples to make his points come alive for his readers. Dave is an effective story teller and he suggests that we also learn how to translate our message into a good story.
When Dave arrives at his section on Leadership, he tells us on page 165 that he received this great bit of advice from Verne Harnish. Leaders need to: set and communicate the overall vision for the team; make sure they have the right people doing the right jobs, and making sure the resources are sufficient to get the job done. This sounds like Management 101, but that does not make this excellent advice less valuable to us.
On page 216 Dave devotes an entire page to tell us that “A random act of kindness is an instant cure for any bad mood.” By this time readers of this review have surely gotten the idea that was suggested by his wife Carrie in our opening paragraph that caring for others is what is truly important in business and in life. Always pay it forward, that is, respond to a person’s kindness to yourself by being kind to someone else. We have all had the experience in our cars when we have been trying to enter a busy street when a kind soul waves us on and then a few minutes later we see someone in a similar situation trying to enter the highway and we wave them on. Kindness is contagious and throughout his book Dave emphasizes kindness and praise to build an emotional bank account with people that does just what his wife Carrie says; that is they will help you without your even having to ask them.
Dave Kerpen would be the first to tell us that not much is new in his book; he is not attempting to be original. But I am going to disagree with him; what is new is Dave’s treatment of many good ideas. His conversational style makes it seem as if he is talking directly to us. Dave invites us to connect with him on the Internet and he welcomes the opportunity to get to know us. His stories about himself show us that he is imperfect and each day is a learning experience for him. Dave knows how to say I’m sorry, and then move on. I enjoyed reading his book and recommend it to anyone wanting to know more about people, how they behave, and what they value.
Having spent the past 19 years working with people on both sides of the "learning line” (the folks who "need to know," and the others who "know they know") I have seen clearly just how disastrous it can be when people are in denial. When they deny what they don't know, it's bad...
There is something we need to know about what makes people like that tick. Why WOULDN'T someone do the self-study necessary to understand themselves? Especially when they're in a position of power and influence, such as many people I meet are...
But first, we need to explore what makes US tick. When we know what drives us - as I say, "what we want to be known for" - it makes it possible (but be careful, NOT probable) to meet them where they are.
Where Dave starts is by giving his story of getting to look in the mirror. Want to make a change out there? Start in here...
Over 53 essays, you'll discover not just tactics you could use to meet people, stand out from the crowd, and make a positive, influential difference. Do that and more. Stop. Often. And ask yourself, "What would I have done?"
There are 6 specific essays that I grabbed on to (printed them out, in fact!):
1. Myers-Briggs Means Nothing; This Means Everything
Or, as I think about it: Know Yourself To Lead Yourself
As I read essay #1, I clicked pause, went to the BACK of the book, and went through the Personality Assessment that Dave leaves for us there. Look, this isn’t the first (or the last) one of these that I’ve ever taken, and just like the ones before it, there weren’t that many surprises. What I love about it, again, is how easy it is to see ME. Thank you Dave for giving me the gift of my own attention. Now, I have some work to do!
8. Create Your Own Advisory Board
Or, as I think about it: Build Your Team Before You Need It
60 months from now, you’ll be where you are, doing what you’re doing, eating what you’re eating, living where you’re living (you get it!) based on the 5 or so people you spend the most time with this weekend. Here’s the challenge: Add a new 5th person! Where can you go to meet people who will influence your future? Want to change your game? Change the players. I promise, works every time.
13. Always Accept the Glass of Water
Or, as I think about it: Make Their Comfort Your Priority
I needed this one, Dave. I’ve been on the “Oh-no-thanks” side of making the offer to someone, and like Dave says in his book, it just makes everyone feel a little uncomfortable. When you show up to someone’s house, or their office, and they offer you something…Take it. Every time. Doing so puts everyone at ease. Read essay #13, and you’ll see why!
31. Be a Model
Or, as I think about it: They're Always Watching
Someone is going to see you today. I don’t care where you work, how you commute, or who you live with…SOMEONE is watching. Always watching. So, be a model of what you hope happens. What you hope happens at work, in your home, around your community. Also - and this is HUGE - practice FINDING models. As I was reading this essay, I reflected back on my own student teaching days. (Yes, Dave and I were both teachers!) I can remember the exact same thing happening to me… My master teacher set me up, and left the room. Best thing that he could have done.
37. How to Get Everyone to Want to Be Around You, with One Word (Maybe Two)
Or, as I think about it: Energy is Polarizing
Oh boy, people like us (I’m including you, if you think you’re going to read and learn from this book) are energetic. We’re open to learning, we’re willing to experiment, we’re ready to show up when called upon. And, as such, we’re also accused of being the “Tall Poppies.” The ones that get attention, and the ones that people talk about. As I was reading this essay, I wrote in my notebook, “Make it so that what they talk about is what you want them to notice.” It’s important.
41. If You're There to Help, You're There to Win
Or, as I think about it: To Be Continued
No one event happens in isolation. This essay about blew me away with the empathy that Dave said his principal showed to him and his buddy back in their school days. Just let the title of this chapter sink in, and see where you can apply it today. Be there to help. And, help them win.
I downloaded this book to my iPhone kindle app. I have a feeling it’s going to be one of the ones that I come back to time and time again...